2020 March 25 - Stimulus Package

March 25, 2020 10:17pm 68,572 COVID positive cases - 1031 deaths, 592 recovered Well, I thought the world changed last week. Totally different today. Senate finally passed a sorry stimulus package while Canada is giving every citizen $2000 every other week for 2 months! Jenni and I may not even qualify for this stimulus because we make too much money. My salary is being cut too. Yeah, my boss just announced to everyone that we have to accept a 30% pay cut across the board. Now he wants me to ask Carl if he will do it too. Carl only work 40 hours a month! Crazy. We watched the Rosie O'Donnell Broadway fundraiser. It was great. Lots of stars to raise money for the Actor's Fund. The Governor declared a state-wide shelter in place and a travel warning to "flatten the curve" in Indiana. Surrounding states have done the same. Several other states have not, especially Florida. Lots of Spring Breakers still celebrating their freedom from school. And since Mardi Gras happened recently, New Orleans is suffering with COVID as well. We also canceled our Spring Break cabin trip. Luckily they will give us a voucher to use another time. But, damn, I'm bummed. Zion is no longer switching houses because his dad was still working at Flanner House until recently. School is now only eLearning for the rest of the year. The government may start using schools as emergency day cares. Speaking of Government, Fauci was missing from the press conference a few days ago and people lost their minds! #NoFauci was the #1 Trending subject on Twitter. Too funny. It just shows that we trust him a lot more than Trump. Trump cannot even just read a statement. He has to do the dumbest ad libbing I have ever heard with hyperbolic words and statements like "great", "best ever", "no one is testing more than we are", "we have the best test". Just lies and stupidity. He is so delusional that he just brags on himself and thinks he is better than everyone around him. He's clueless and showing that he was never prepared to be our President. Jenni and I went through a really sad time together this week. Friday the 13th was our last time out with folks besides visiting Jan/Lori. So it's only been 12 days locked in. Jenni has gone to the store a few times. We've gone outside a few times, too. They tried to reschedule my lung doctor for 6 weeks out. Since I needed X-rays, they told me to go ahead and come in. I was super careful and grateful that he saw me. They screened me with questions only when I arrived. But all three offices screened me. The symptoms have expanded - some even say a loss of taste and smell may be an early sign. But the key to the question was NEW. New in the last 14 days and have I been out of the country in the last 14 days. My buddy Gordie has it. He was on Day 5 of a scary hospitalization and isolation with experimental drugs. He was the first that I knew directly to get it. He lives in GA and we went to college together. He is actually the college pastor's son. Married to a wonderful man now and just adopted Isla Rose. He got to go home today, but they aren't telling Isla. He must be quarantined in the guest room for 14 days. He knows she won't understand that he cannot hug her. So he is alone still and we are all praying he doesn't relapse. So this is what it's like today. Everyone working from home. We had a virtual meet-up with some women last week. I met with the Indianapolis affiliates via JoinMe. We had a Virtual Cast Party for VDAY - only 15 joined. We have a Virtual Pitch-in this Saturday. We all just want connection and normalcy. I asked Jenni the stages of grief. We are all grieving what felt normal. I'm grieving how un-important I am to my immediate family. I had to reach out to all of them. No one asked how I was handling things. It's just sad. I really went through a full day where I thought I might die from COVID. I've been struggling to breathe since January's pneumonia. That's why I needed the lungs doctor. But people were also saying that folks with asthma can really suffer from this virus. I was really scared. I even managed to panic Cory since I never panic or worry about anything. I think I wrote to her about "my last days". She immediately video called me. My friends have always been my family. I just kept thinking how things would be completely different if I had a child/baby. They would all be crawling up my ass to talk to me. Then I thought, "what if I do die?". Would they even care? How would they find out? Would it even matter to them? Would they come to my funeral? Like so many others, I had gone to a very dark place. I rely on distractions. During this shut-down, I have no distractions. My mind just swirls and reels...reeling. Cory and I used to talk about reeling. It's like a tape/story you keep telling yourself and it replays over and over and over. It's normally not pleasant and generally not a good exercise. We start believing those stories and the truth and any good of the moments become shadowed. So that's where I went. We cried. We shared. And the next day I felt better. We are trying to have a normal routine. She has commandeered Zion's room as an office. She's in their now doing a Virtual Playreading - so odd to overhear and she sounds SO LOUD out here. I can't imagine what she sounds like to them if she is using a mic. From what I've gathered, it's a royal family and their is some feminism afoot, now there is something about a play and her character's narcissism. They started at 8:30pm. It's 10:48pm. Ruby and I played outside. She loved it. It's finally a beautiful day - 62 degrees. Wonderful night. I moved my powerful 10,000 lumen lights from under my trees. They were supposed to be shining up the tree trunk but they often shifted. Then they blinded those driving down the street or turning the corner. So I now have one shining on the front of the house. I then wanted to put one on the side of the house. These are our darkest spots and we need to show off the house. But the cord on the second one wouldn't go around the corner from the plug. Ugh. So I need to have another tactic for that one. Then we treated the hot tub and filled the bird feeder. Just doing the daily/weekly routine in an attempt to feel normal. Lately, we've been staying up late and getting up whenever to start work whenever. There is an air of "what does it matter in the end?". Obviously dangerous to productivity and we discussed that today on our long walk with Ruby around the park. She loved it. We all needed to get out of this house. You see, I'm the type of person that wishes to be hyper-aware during a crisis. For example, when the storms are bad outside, I want to watch the local news and see it coming. I want to be prepared to take action in the moment. The same with this virus. I've eased up a bit, but I have to watch the briefings. All of them. Trump, Facui, Cuomo, Holcomb and any others that have information. We are in crisis! No one knows when it will end. How it will end. How many will die. $1200 isn't much of a stimulus for some. It may pay one month's rent for some, but they will still watch their loved ones die because the nation didn't shut down and protect the vulnerable. We are learning who the real leaders are. Who the real heroes are. Who the essential workers are. The ones you are mean to and look down upon. The ones that aren't worthy to talk to or be respectful to. The ones that you don't think deserve a living wage. There was a joking meme today online: How much does it take for a Republican to believe in socialism? $1000. I'm so glad my lungs are clear. I'm really trying to protect this house and Jenni. We are staying away from everyone. Pizza and packages from friends are being left on the porch. We must stop helping this spread. The economy is not more important than a human life. Trump wants to open up the country (whatever that means) on Easter. He thinks it will be a beautiful day and perfect to celebrate. He's fucking crazy! He has no idea what Easter will look like for us. He knew about this mid-January. He stopped flights from China Feb 8 and wants to praise himself for that everyday. Then some Senators sold off their stock because they knew it was coming from top-secret intelligence reports! He continued to golf and said it would go away. There were only 15 sick and then those 15 were going to get well. LIES!!!! Lies from our President to protect his rich friends and try to save the stock market. We know exactly what's important to him. We know that hospitals are out of PPE. They are being asked to where hospital bandannas! Folks are making masking for them. We will be out of hospital beds soon. There are not enough ventilators for those that can't breath on their own. ICUs are filling up. Younger and younger folks are dying. A nurse just died at home with the 4-5 yr old and they didn't find the body until 12-16 hours later. This is what is important to us. Trump was asked by Peter Alexander, "What do you want to tell the Americans that are scared?" A layup question for him to assure the American people. He said, "I would tell them you are a terrible reporter. What a nasty question." CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?!? So that's where we are today.