As I was leaving late for work AGAIN, I decide to call my boss and let her know. No worries, see you soon type call. Then I get a call from my HR Director (long distance number). She procedes to tell me that there is no more work at my current position and there is no need to come in. She said she had tried to reach me last night but had the wrong number.
~~~~~~~WHAMO!~~~~~~~
What? No more job. No more Patty. Nothing. Something slapped me across the face. i'm still in shock. They assure me that they will find me a new position and to stay by my phone. But still. I am allowed unemployment now since I was "let go" technically. But still. What the hell just happened?
I was actually doing hardcore interviews the last few weeks and decided to stay put. I was going to give my all to brother's new business adventure. Which I have. But still...
I see a license plate that says Prov 3:6. I remember that it is a lot of people's life verse but I can't quite quote it. I think its Trust in Him with all thine heart and he will give you the desires of your heart. Well, I just looked it up. It is actually, "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Much more appropriate.
I'm in the bathroom, I start singing, "Papa can you hear me? Papa can you see me?" Verse words pop in my head. Something like What good is it if a man gains the whole world and loses his soul. Well it's Matt 16:26 - "For what is a man profited,if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" I've been super selfish and greedy lately. Overly cocky even.
As I drive, a commercial comes on about how something good always comes out of bad things and God has a plan. It's a donor commercial but I find it speaking to me.
I know God has always taken care of me. I don't deserve it but when he closes a door, he always opens a window. I believe he's pushing me further down to rely on him again and pushing me into a better direction for my life. I trust you Lord to take care of your child. "His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me."
...at least I have Daniel Tosh tickets for tonight.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
One of My Favorite Collections of Wisdom
BAZ LUHRMANN
EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)
12/06/1999 - 1 week at #1 - 16 weeks on chart
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
EVERBODY'S FREE (TO WEAR SUNSCREEN)
12/06/1999 - 1 week at #1 - 16 weeks on chart
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Mind
The mind is a powerful thing. It affects emotionally, physically and psychologically. It's hard to push out the negative thoughts. It's hard not to let your mind take over and chase rabbit trails with no proof. In the end, the conclusion remains the same = IT DOESN'T MATTER! It doesn't change any facts. It doesn't make anything better by letting your mind wander into areas that you have no control over.
I have to keep reminding myself to stay focused on me and not let others affect my decisions.
I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm lost. Nothing has changed but, again, probably my fault.
I go back and forth from logic to emotion and weigh the pros and cons over and over in my head. Honestly, I think the conclusion with be the same either way.
I deserve better. I deserve to know the truth. I deserve my chance at happiness. A friend of mine said recently, "Your dad wouldn't want you to be miserable." She is so right but it's easier said than done.
The confusion and limbo I am in right now is only shadowed by my father's recent death. I miss him so much. It was so hard to say goodbye.
So...now what? That's the question. I'll have to let you know when I find the answer. I want fate to decide so that I don't have to. I'm weak right now and afraid of making the same mistakes over and over.
But someone once said that "You only know you are on the right road when you hit the bumps."
I have to keep reminding myself to stay focused on me and not let others affect my decisions.
I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm lost. Nothing has changed but, again, probably my fault.
I go back and forth from logic to emotion and weigh the pros and cons over and over in my head. Honestly, I think the conclusion with be the same either way.
I deserve better. I deserve to know the truth. I deserve my chance at happiness. A friend of mine said recently, "Your dad wouldn't want you to be miserable." She is so right but it's easier said than done.
The confusion and limbo I am in right now is only shadowed by my father's recent death. I miss him so much. It was so hard to say goodbye.
So...now what? That's the question. I'll have to let you know when I find the answer. I want fate to decide so that I don't have to. I'm weak right now and afraid of making the same mistakes over and over.
But someone once said that "You only know you are on the right road when you hit the bumps."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January 2010
I just wrote an intensely personal journal entry to start my year off. I have so much on my mind that sometimes I just have to get it out. 2009 was one of the oddest years. So many ups and so many downs. Now that the year has turned, where does that leave me? I feel as if I got off the roller coaster and now wander in an empty theme park all alone. Doesn’t anyone wanna ride with me? I guess not. I look around and see options for so much happiness but don’t take the step toward any new coaster. I just wander and go back and forth from option to option…lost and indecisive; anxious and paranoid; wounded and no one to care.
I turn on my Ipod to distract the thoughts. Then the music speaks to me; encourages me to press on and figure out what exactly would make me happy. But I really don’t know. Where to go? What to do? So much potential. So scared and alone sometimes.
I found something that I wrote years ago when I was in this same predicament. It is still just as true today….
Longevity and Prosperity: Live Long and Prosper. But is it truly possible? Soon if you don’t prosper, what’s the reason to live long? Really? I know we are all impatient. We move too fast, not stopping to look up, down or into any eyes. So, yes, I am tired of waiting to prosper. But there’s my problem – WAITING – like it’s gonna fall from the sky. Whatever! Goals, focus, drive – this is what makes a successful person. Plus add the God-factor and you can’t lose!
I don’t know the date of that but I remember the exact feeling and it’s where I am at now. Now that the ups and downs have settled in my physical life, the battle rages on inside my heart and mind.
Gotta remember to put one foot in front of the other and breathe. Lord help me.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jer. 29:11
I turn on my Ipod to distract the thoughts. Then the music speaks to me; encourages me to press on and figure out what exactly would make me happy. But I really don’t know. Where to go? What to do? So much potential. So scared and alone sometimes.
I found something that I wrote years ago when I was in this same predicament. It is still just as true today….
Longevity and Prosperity: Live Long and Prosper. But is it truly possible? Soon if you don’t prosper, what’s the reason to live long? Really? I know we are all impatient. We move too fast, not stopping to look up, down or into any eyes. So, yes, I am tired of waiting to prosper. But there’s my problem – WAITING – like it’s gonna fall from the sky. Whatever! Goals, focus, drive – this is what makes a successful person. Plus add the God-factor and you can’t lose!
I don’t know the date of that but I remember the exact feeling and it’s where I am at now. Now that the ups and downs have settled in my physical life, the battle rages on inside my heart and mind.
Gotta remember to put one foot in front of the other and breathe. Lord help me.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jer. 29:11
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