The Mind

The mind is a powerful thing. It affects emotionally, physically and psychologically. It's hard to push out the negative thoughts. It's hard not to let your mind take over and chase rabbit trails with no proof. In the end, the conclusion remains the same = IT DOESN'T MATTER! It doesn't change any facts. It doesn't make anything better by letting your mind wander into areas that you have no control over.

I have to keep reminding myself to stay focused on me and not let others affect my decisions.

I'm scared, I'm hurt, I'm lost. Nothing has changed but, again, probably my fault.

I go back and forth from logic to emotion and weigh the pros and cons over and over in my head. Honestly, I think the conclusion with be the same either way.

I deserve better. I deserve to know the truth. I deserve my chance at happiness. A friend of mine said recently, "Your dad wouldn't want you to be miserable." She is so right but it's easier said than done.

The confusion and limbo I am in right now is only shadowed by my father's recent death. I miss him so much. It was so hard to say goodbye.

So...now what? That's the question. I'll have to let you know when I find the answer. I want fate to decide so that I don't have to. I'm weak right now and afraid of making the same mistakes over and over.

But someone once said that "You only know you are on the right road when you hit the bumps."